I looked at the interpretation of attraction and feelings and there seems to be four catagories.
1. NT's sensing and ethical elements are poorly developed, as I have mentioned before; these types don't choose to love; love is outside themselves and so it just happends. It's neither conscious nor is it subconscious. My mom's an INTp and she says, that for her, she is just there that she doesn't think about love, it's just there.
2. NF's feelings are conscious but their attraction is subconscious. They always know their feelings but can't figure out why they are attracted to something. They may find the strangest things to be beautiful and pleasing even when others have rejected them for their esthetic unpleasantness. For NF types love is in the heart, sprit, soul, and body...it is in entirety of all of the being.
ES's openly admit physical attraction.
3. ST's know when they are attracted; their attraction in conscious, but they can't control their feelings because they are not subject to conscious control - feelings exist independently of their logic ( their mind); feelings are in their heart.
4. SF's are aware of their feelings and of the feelings of other's. These feelings for them exist in their every cell; they can easily tell what and why they are attracted and what they are feeling in its every aspect.
Although ideally, I would love to live in a world where duals interacted more frequently and hence had greater opportunity to find love amongst one another, in our vast world this is not possible (except in the internet dating world). When it comes to love, yes, you have to be attracted and get that special feeling, but when it comes down to decision making, many people seem to be at a complete loss for what to do; this is where Socionics is important. In choosing a life long partner, one must realize that love is independent of feelings and should be independent of making important decisions; you may go through phases in a long term relationship where you love the person you are with but can't stand them and an instinct to flee sets in. These feelings go through stages and love is always there, so sticking it through, emotional times will bring feelings back and forth and all the way around. Dual relations require honesty and open communication, they are no exception to conscious involvement in the relationship by both halves of the whole.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Dualizing by Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Dualizing is an interesting process. In order for dual pairs to merge and become one, all psychological restrictions must be removed. Psychological restrictions include emotional distance and closing up. Every dual pair will dualize differently.
Dualizing is an actual process...if a part of a motor is missing, for example, it will not work as it should.
We, whether we want to or not, have a piece of our motor missing. That piece is not in control of running us as a physical being (as in giving me life, air , lungs etc) it is a motor piece for a psychological well-being.
This psychological function serves different needs for different people, a mechanism of completing...this can be seen in task management...for example ask yourself this question...in a long term relationship, what tasks, simple everyday ones, would you like the other person to take care of?
If a person is not dualized they don't look like anything that their dual will want because they are in an unnatural state, physically and mentally. This is very observable.
Here's how I dualized with a dual...
An undualized ESTj can not spot his or her dual based on simple language, written or verbal. All people look and act pretty much the same (observe a line of individuals at the supermarket, for instance) It's foreign, unusual, they don't or can't understand why the person is not cooperating with them to answer their question...when he slows down or stops and when his dual speeds up and opens up then the process of dualizing between an ESTJ and INFj starts...the brain of the ESTj processes her words; INFj begins to speak confidently, not being afraid that she will be judged or pressured...she feels trusted and confident when otherwise she is reserved and untrusting.
One day, a friend of mine, who is LSE/ESTj, took an entire day to meditate and connect.
You can't dualize if you don't want to be around one another and speak to each other. It requires complete honestly and complete trust in one another. We started off with removing all inhibitions about our selves and who we were, being completely honest. We accepted one another, for how we looked, no matter how we viewed each other physically or mentally...we did not cast any judgments. For him, he had to get over that I didn't look physically glamorous to him and I had to get over that he wasn't ethical, which was a BIG deal to be because INTEGRITY is number one to me.
We asked and received. Duality is a whole, it is one unit and everything in it works as one. So one person wants to give, the other wants to receive. If you remove yourself from your dual you can’t offer what they want to receive, it won’t work. Ask the person to read your wants…I asked in my mind…I need food, I’m hungry…the other person concentrates and reads, or feels the want or need and then reacts.
Ask them to read your mind (what do I want, what do I need, what should we do, where are we going, how are we doing this, why, who, etc.) with as few words exchanged as possible, as often as possible for the mechanism, that connective psychological function to take over…soon that becomes automatic and you don’t have to try consciously. Because the psychological process of duals are subconscious wishes and desires, they can intuitively connect with what the other half desires.
Soon, you will be standing across the room from your dual and with a single glance or exchange the other person will automatically know what's going on and why, and they will act accordingly. I know dualizing is not easy to explain, it is more understanding that one is the other’s subconscious; conscious and subconscious functions in duals are reversed. Dualized duals have been able to read the thoughts and feelings of their dual; for instance, we sometimes wish or have the desire to be embraced, your dual wants to kiss you...you see how that works?
We are all preprogrammed for our dual, it’s society that messes us up, by teaching us all sorts of things that we hold true in spite of their uselessness to not only us but causes us to eventually wonder if the way we are makes any sense.
Dualizing is an actual process...if a part of a motor is missing, for example, it will not work as it should.
We, whether we want to or not, have a piece of our motor missing. That piece is not in control of running us as a physical being (as in giving me life, air , lungs etc) it is a motor piece for a psychological well-being.
This psychological function serves different needs for different people, a mechanism of completing...this can be seen in task management...for example ask yourself this question...in a long term relationship, what tasks, simple everyday ones, would you like the other person to take care of?
If a person is not dualized they don't look like anything that their dual will want because they are in an unnatural state, physically and mentally. This is very observable.
Here's how I dualized with a dual...
An undualized ESTj can not spot his or her dual based on simple language, written or verbal. All people look and act pretty much the same (observe a line of individuals at the supermarket, for instance) It's foreign, unusual, they don't or can't understand why the person is not cooperating with them to answer their question...when he slows down or stops and when his dual speeds up and opens up then the process of dualizing between an ESTJ and INFj starts...the brain of the ESTj processes her words; INFj begins to speak confidently, not being afraid that she will be judged or pressured...she feels trusted and confident when otherwise she is reserved and untrusting.
One day, a friend of mine, who is LSE/ESTj, took an entire day to meditate and connect.
You can't dualize if you don't want to be around one another and speak to each other. It requires complete honestly and complete trust in one another. We started off with removing all inhibitions about our selves and who we were, being completely honest. We accepted one another, for how we looked, no matter how we viewed each other physically or mentally...we did not cast any judgments. For him, he had to get over that I didn't look physically glamorous to him and I had to get over that he wasn't ethical, which was a BIG deal to be because INTEGRITY is number one to me.
We asked and received. Duality is a whole, it is one unit and everything in it works as one. So one person wants to give, the other wants to receive. If you remove yourself from your dual you can’t offer what they want to receive, it won’t work. Ask the person to read your wants…I asked in my mind…I need food, I’m hungry…the other person concentrates and reads, or feels the want or need and then reacts.
Ask them to read your mind (what do I want, what do I need, what should we do, where are we going, how are we doing this, why, who, etc.) with as few words exchanged as possible, as often as possible for the mechanism, that connective psychological function to take over…soon that becomes automatic and you don’t have to try consciously. Because the psychological process of duals are subconscious wishes and desires, they can intuitively connect with what the other half desires.
Soon, you will be standing across the room from your dual and with a single glance or exchange the other person will automatically know what's going on and why, and they will act accordingly. I know dualizing is not easy to explain, it is more understanding that one is the other’s subconscious; conscious and subconscious functions in duals are reversed. Dualized duals have been able to read the thoughts and feelings of their dual; for instance, we sometimes wish or have the desire to be embraced, your dual wants to kiss you...you see how that works?
We are all preprogrammed for our dual, it’s society that messes us up, by teaching us all sorts of things that we hold true in spite of their uselessness to not only us but causes us to eventually wonder if the way we are makes any sense.
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